Milo Lounge

Milo Lounge Front

The Milo Lounge is part of the ‘Lougers’ chain, each one with a beautiful feel, quirky decor, comfy seats but at the same time a bit like an alien has read your mind and then created a nice place from your memory in the hope that you’ll think it’s real and love it and want to spend forever with your alien family instead of your real family and every night you wake up shouting, “MUM!! MUM!!!!” but there’s just a tentacle stroking your head. Well it’s a bit like that, with breakfast and a good selection of beers.

The Brassco Lounge hit a great 7.98 when we visited there. Will they differ? Only toast will tell….

Jeremy Beardle – 

“I woke up on Saturday morning after 3 hours kip in a great mood, looking forward to popping my toast cherry. The banter was flowing right from the off with Mr. Kirk Douglas busting in and shouting “KIRK! KIRK!” At the bewildered bar staff who were taking drinks orders.

The room were we sat was great bar the small children in close proximity which meant most if the convo was clean except for Jungle Trouble’s potty mouth.

I chose the lounge champion brecki and a pot of tea. Then I waited with great anticipation as the plates arrived at the table. I waited some more and them a little bit more just for good measure.

The waiting on staff, unfortunately for me and Johnny Concrete couldn’t process a simple order and our meals came 20 mins after everyone else’s.

Even tho the food was great and they game us a jarg bevy to compensate, the damage was already done.

The highlight of the day was the bladdered scally (at 10:45am) who couldn’t get over the beards donned by several of the lads. He was class.

Milo gets a firm 5/10 from me. It has so much potential, I’d like to go back in a few months and see if they improve once they settle in to it.”

Jungle Trouble – Same again?

“I was surprised we chose Milo Lounge in the end, considering we’ve already been to Brassco Lounge and it’s the same company that owns it, therefore same food. But choose it we did and go there we did. And have a below-par breakfast we did.

The staff seemed sullen,  no bants were to be had by any of the staff; which is a shame because staff bants can turn a good breakfast into a great breakfast.

Food was below par. I chose the steak and eggs because I seem to remember that being good at Brassco last time. Turns out my brain had lied to me, the steak was overcooked and tough and everything was a bit dry.

Speaking further about Brassco, we were faced with a similar problem when we were there last. Being seated around children meant the banter couldn’t reach it’s level, however in saying that the banter was some of the best that’s been at the table in a while and big shoutouts to both Johnny Briggs and Gary Wilmott who will be forever in our hearts.

Let’s get those t-shirts done.


Mr. Kirk Douglas – A bad breakfast will never make a bad Toast!

Mine today was possibly my worst FE I’ve suffered. Fatty bacon, thin black pudding, only 18 beans, plazzy egg, cheap hash browns but AMAZING sausage pattie. I think I had a major jel on because everyone had the boss champs whoppers – but they did swap my toms and mushies for an extra smash brown. 

The staff were surly and it was generally understaffed, the fresh orange was bitter and the cappuccino like sweet hot milk. When they messed up the order and THE LADZ TM had to wait 15/16/20 minutes for their replacement scran with only a complimentary soft drink to soften the blowie. 

Asides from that the venue was nice and comfortable, the bants were sublime with Gary Wilmot’s Tablecloth conversations, What would the character Johnny Briggs be doing now (Just lost his job managing Blockbusters) and hi-brow whimsicals. Two fresh fish made this a delightful Toast, however if it was judged on us alone, every Toast would be a 50.

Milo Lounge, maybe you should change your name to the Hi/Low lounge because we had a few of both 4/10

FTP – 

“It was a beautiful autumn morning and the thought of the usual pleasures of toast put a smile on my face and a spring in the step. Unfortunately the Milo Lounge was the first disappointment of what would be several that day.

We sat on a large table in a corner room but despite being a group of lads families kept sitting round us which meant we had to reign in some of the more adult banter.

Saturday morning is always going to be busy for somewhere like the milo lounge yet they seemed to have only three staff on. This meant we had a long wait for our food. Jonny Concrete and will longer as inexplicably their orders we’re got wrong.

That said the champion breakfast was nice, the orange juice freshly squeezed and the latte a good size but you would hope so for £14.

The banter was really good and nice to see Jeremy Beardle make his debut.

For me an under par 5/10

Seaburger – 

“Milo Lounge was possibly a strange choice on reflection, given that we’d already been inside her older sister – Brasco. This was my fault though, having leaned heavily on Toast’s shoulders after an exceptional feast there.

I arrived late as usual and ordered a coffee and orange juice. The coffee was decent, but the orange juice tasted like the piss of a tramp with heartburn. Having had it before, I went for the ‘Lounge Champion Breakfast’ and what a fucking champion it is. BBQ beans, potatoes, chorizo & eggs. This ain’t one for the fussy eater though, all the different food groups are all over each other. Eggs on potatoes, beans on eggs, it’s a god damn orgy in there and it tastes like sex.

The staff had a nightmare bringing out the wrong order for some of the lads and then having to wait another 20 minutes for a replacement. Our waitress was hot, but wasn’t having any of the smashing banter on offer. Great toast, good food, poor service, but more importantly – is there anything that Dave Benson-Phillips won’t do?


Walker Texas Free Ranger – 

“Charles Dickens once wrote “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…”. Emphasising the struggle between the light and the dark standing equally matched and that one cannot live with the other. Likewise, breakfasts and banter keep us at bay from the darkness, but it was mostly banter that day keeping us away from the precipice of the pit.

I awoke somewhat hungover and with little sleep but a positivity of the adventure in breakfast that awaited me. As a newcomer to the group it was a pleasure to meet the Toast gentlemen and the banter was excellent from the off. I started with a cup of coffee that was only very ok, but certainly not good enough for a gentleman with the kind of hangover I had bought with me!

I ordered the “Lounge Breakfast” which sounded promising and included a “sausage pattie” which I assumed would be an upper class version of the McDonalds™ sausage slice that comes in a McMuffin™. It turned out to be the highlight of the breakfast, as the rest was just somewhat ordinary. Although, beans served in a pot produced an unexpected debate on the pros and cons of such a serving method. Splendid stuff!

Upon the near finishing of my breakfast it was very apparent that other gentlemen in our party had not had their food yet, filling me with guilt, and certainly no good for my own digestion. It was around this point that the conversation turned to Gary Wilmot and his missing tablecloth, a truly tragic story of one man missing his magical fabric heirloom. There was then discussion about what Johnny Briggs would be doing now had the series continued, which lead us nicely in the merchandise that could be made about those two subjects.

Having not had the “Lounge Champion Breakfast” I feel I would like to return to Milo to try such an interestingly sounding dish, but with the disappointment of a very mediocre breakfast I think it will be some time. The excellent banter on the day I think may have helped my score, it most certainly makes me look forward to the next Toast outing. 5/10

On a more serious note if anyone does have any information on the whereabouts of Gary Wilmot’s Tablecloth then more information can be found here.

Overall – 5.4/10

Final Thoughts – It certainly doesn’t run in the family and for the service, it barely even crawls in the family. A huge disappointment for what could have been a highlight for the South Liverpool breakfasts. Hopefully they’ll sort out early teething problems and get back the generic form they’ve become known for. Unfortunately, this has gone down as the Toasters Worst Breakfast!