The Tavern Company

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The Tavern on Allerton Road. I’d never heard of the place and thought it was probably miles away. After learning it was just by Smithdown Road I was very pleased. See, you learn something new every Toast!

Surprisingly big inside, with an upstairs too, the location is usually jam packed and Saturday wasn’t an exception. Although waiting was a slight inconvenience The Toasters were in high spirits when they sat down and the surprise of unlimited coffee knocked their proverbial socks off.

Enough of the pap. What did they think?

Grill Scoff Herring – “The menu is laminated at The Tavern, something which always puts me off because it shows a place is set in it’s ways. ‘Without a doubt the best breakfast in Liverpool’ was written on the menu beneath the well thought out Full English ingredients, a bold statement I think especially on a menu clearly not subject to change. Impressive pricing, in comparison with other places we’ve reviewed it is the best value for money with the “perpetual torrent of tea or coffee” (paraphrased) included in the £6.45 price.

Aside from the Full English, the menu has the largest choice of breakfasts I’ve seen from any venue, a couple of the other Toasters went for the American (I almost did, but I’m sticking with the FE for consistency & black pudding) & Johnny also ordered some “floating” French Toast. The staff were friendly & attentive & the mushroom replacement test was passed with flying colours with no quibbles for me asking for hash brown (of which I got two). The food was spot on, brilliant portion to quality ratio & cooked just right. 

I had more to say but I’ve forgotten a lot of it due to the lads complaining about me writing my review at the table. 9/10.”

Jungle Trouble “The Tavern. Waited half an hour to sit down and the plates weren’t cleaned of coffee stains. Not too much of an issue, but when I see that kind of thing I always think “Hmm, I wonder what else they’re not washing properly?”. 

Today had the best banter BY FAR. Best story was Top Hat the ‘rapey ghost’ and best inappropriate beer was Doug Quade asking if else want a pint when it was 10am and most of us were still waking up.

I went for an American, which was ace but those tiny potato cubes can fuck off. They’re a lovely concept, lovely idea but a fucking pain in the arse to eat. I liken it to like eating peas. You either stabbed wildly at them in the hopes of skewering as many as you can on your fork or, instead, scoop them up in an action akin to using a spoon and delicately balance them on the journey to your mouth. It was stupid. Give me hash browns.

All in all a great meal but the waitress was slow and Grimbags wouldn’t pinch her arse. 8.5/10.”

Terry Snatchett – “Driving past the Tavern at 10:30am there was a massive queue outside waiting for it to open, so by the time everyone else turned up (yes, you Kirk) there were no tables left. Still, that gave us a lovely 25 minutes to admire all of the various tat adorning the walls including an American fire alarm, an ancient pinball-type machine and a model train set. None of which worked (I tried them all) despite there being a model railway shop directly across the road.

Onto the food. I plumped for the American, tempted by the thoughts of crisp streaky bacon with sticky maple syrup in a big floppy pancake. The bacon was not streaky or crisp and even though I think you can’t have a breakfast without beans, I’m not entirely sure the combination worked. The breakfast was duly rescued by splattering extra hot sauce all over my eggs (ladies, you should try it).

The ‘Floating French Toast’ was a revelation, however the lack of dry-ice, a hula hoop, Debbie McGee and it actually not floating couldn’t help but leave me disappointed.  8/10″

Johnny Concrete – “Oooooh hello Mr Tavern! Despite feeling a little under the weather, this was a top Toast. Granted we had a wait, our own fault, but after I’d watched Doug Quade smiling at his naughty 10am pint o’ Guinness for 20 odd mins we were in.

All memories of the wait we’re blacked out by the arrival of the continuous coffee and our cracking perch by the window. I have no problem with a laminated menu, it clearly makes sense. I can only assume that Mrs Grimbags communicates the nightly Grimbags menu of old fish via some form of embroidery or perhaps more predictably, through the medium of song.

Great selection on the menu, the American was my dish of choice and it was very good. Agreed the potatoes were about as much use as a floppy cock when you need a real cw’er but the pancake made for a nice dessert while I was trying to come down off my coffee. The floating french toast was a bloody triumph and I hope floaters become a feature in future, where possible of course. Throw in Kirk’s elaborate story about him (not so and so’s cousin) being, ahem, educated by Tophat, the zoo joke, Doug’s grin, an appearance from Jester and Grimbags getting told off and the top notch grub, I think this was the best yet. 9.43.”

Jester Fortune“Keep calm and bum. Long wait, company and a stained saucer didn’t take the shine off my first toast. Mushrooms from the full English replaced with hash browns (20p surcharge). Beans tasted like the branded variety and everything else was of an excellent quality.

Despite being busy the service was good. Several refills of tea and coffee and a view of the model shop topped off an outstanding breakfast. The full English was on par with the child abusing ghost. 8/10.

Tip: Ask for the floating French toast; its not on the menu so ask nicely.”

Mr. Kirk Douglas – Could this have been the Toastest with the Mostest? The atmosphere was bubbling with excitement and the venue itself carried quite a happy atmosphere with people just smashing shitloads of scran into their unwashed and chirpy faces. 

I’d ordered the American Breakfast, which in my mind was different to the reality. I was thinking full english on a pancake and what came was a half English and a pancake side. 

My real qualm about this was my Full English envy, especially with Grimbags’ particular platter. It seems unfair to mark a breakfast down on me picking the wrong one. However saying that the breakfast should be perfect for the suitor across the board.

I’m going to give this particular Toast experience an 8/10, not up there with Rhubarb, but I think with the right breakfast it could top it. After talking to Mrs Kay about our Toast experience last night and my Full English envy, she said, “You said that last time you had the American as well.”

What a complete tit.” 

Overall Score – 8.48/10

Final Thoughts – Ok. That’s the longest Toast ever. I’m going to have to try and rethink how I’m presenting these posts otherwise it’s just LOTS AND LOTS OF WORDS.