Lox and Caper

With a small team during the summer months and only one reviewer, the Lox & Caper scores well!


John Forbes Nosh, Jr

“With a rendezvous point planned for around 1030 hours, I stalked my way through the assembling hordes to arrive, alone and undetected, at Lox and Caper. I was soon joined by a couple of other soldiers, and after a brief pow wow we decided to camp in the corner, with a long-term view of annexing a neighbouring table or two once the occupants finished their meals. Thus began a period of stalemate as we waited expectantly for communication from the wider Toast fraternity, holding position at our outpost and staring flinty-eyed across no-man’s land at the chalkboad menu on the wall. Our persistance paid off when the couple next to us abandoned their plates and exited via the till; finding myself closest to the scene, I slid heroically along the seating, without a thought for my own safety, and secured the area. When medals are handed out, I trust this bravery will be recognised.
As a small unit of four, deep in breakfast territory, conversation among the boys turned to our missing comrades. Should we wait for reinforcements? Should we press on with the mission? It was agreed that we would hold station for as long as we could, and just when things were looking bleak, another two recruits staggered in from the heat to form a company of 6. Operation Brek-Brek began in earnest, and with no complimentary tea or coffee included there was a tactical switch to colder ammunition for some of us to counter the searing climate. One by one we each let loose with slugs of the Sicilian Lemonade; well-cooled middle-class ammo that seemed to hit the spot with more accuracy and firepower than the more conventional Schweppes rounds.
And then, they were upon us! Plates and boards swooped in from the kitchen, within seconds we were each confronted by a breakfast to assault. After a brief stand-off where I quickly weighed up my opponent’s strengths and weaknesses, the training finally kicked in and hand to mouth combat ensued. I went straight for my assailant’s heart – the meat, 2 rashers of decent bacon and a single sausage, though of the highest calibre. It wasn’t pretty, the china ran red with sauce. Looking around in my bloodlust there appeared to be no black pudding, and instead of a hash brown there were a handful of fried potato bits, which whilst tasty enough, lacked the fortitude of a good hashy. Sensing my advantage, I tucked into the beans, tomato and mushroom – which didn’t put up much of a fight, merely making up the numbers. Wielding daggers of thick-cut toast (brown) I finished things off by gouging my enemy square in the eggs, nicely fried (poached were available).
A comprehensive victory over a well-matched opponent. I feasted my eyes on the scene of our triumph, and with the smell of napkin in the morning stinging my nostrils, knew that I had done my duty.

Overall Score – 8/10